Skinny Bastard

During My Vegan Quest I was filmed visiting Dr. Fuhrman ("Eat to Live") by Joshua, a cameraman, activist, and blogger about fashion, etiquette and "ethically handsome men." Clearly we were approaching veganism from opposite sides of the spectrum - mine was dietary, his was ethics. We could not be more far apart politically, spiritually, and socially, but he is a good guy, and we had some very interesting conversations. What could have easily descended into a political shouting match so often found with the vociferate spouters of opinion that have supplanted national, civil debate, we bonded over which are the best vegan restaurants, and vegan recipes. Don't laugh, the rough and tumble Vince Lombardi would read recipe books to relax.

This is why I so embraced the new world of veganism for six months, and have continued on a mostly plant based diet since then. It was the opposite of who I am, and more and more people who knew me suddenly began to look at this lifestyle in a positive light. Also, my new friend is friends with Rory Freedman, co-author of the wildly popular book, "Skinny Bitch." Basically, it is a book that teaches women how to lose weight by eating healthfully, avoiding animal products, and look great - all with serious attitude. I was most grateful the other day when Rory sent me an autographed copy with a poignant inscription in their follow-up book, "Skinny Bastard."

A sampling of their style and attitude found in the book "Skinny Bastard":

So you’re fat. Big deal. Chances are, you haven’t done so badly, despite the few extra lbs you’re carting around. (Women are so amazing—we can be madly in love with a man, despite how he looks.) But don’t kid yourself, pal: A hot-bodied man is a head-turner. So don’t waste your money on a stupid sports car to get chicks; a woman who cares about what kind of car a man drives is a vapid, shallow whore. Invest in yourself. (A woman who cares about how a man looks is also a vapid, shallow whore. But at least you’ll look good.) You have only one body to get you through this lifetime. So quit eating crap and abusing yourself! Even if you never look like Brad Pitt, if you’re eating well and exercising, you’ll be healthier, happier, and more confident. Chicks dig that shit.

Not you average self-help and diet book, is it? But, I agree with Rory -- don't think that it is only children that need to be tricked, cajoled, and "related to" on their level to achieve a well-behaved and healthier living. Yes, kids need to be promised ice cream so they don't act up in the yarn store. Yes, a baby will be more amused by the flying "plane" of apple sauce going into their mouth so they eat. And, yes, it is effective to play the "nap game," or the "quiet game," for your children acting like humming birds on crack. Why not men?

We are, at heart, still cavemen...trust me, I rose to the rank of Lieutenant Colonel in the caveman infantry. Therefore, neither ethics, nor general health, nor weight loss will necessarily light the fire to eat healthier. Why? Because we lived an entire childhood hunting big game in our backyards with a sling shot. When guys get together we go to steak joints...the last vestige of that wonderful private club made famous in "The Little Rascals," the He-Man Women Haters Club! Do, we really hate women? Hardly! Try this experiment - get a bunch of guys around a big white linen table, piled high with sizzling steak in butter sauce, creamed spinach, and hash browns with cases of red wine. They will quickly resemble a gathering of 9th Grade boys in the locker room no matter their current age or station in life. They will grumble and gripe about their wives, girlfriends, and women in general (except that hot intern from Brazil). Now, supplant one of the typical, 55 year old, uniformed men who are the waiters in places like these with an attractive young woman, and watch how these cavemen elbow out each other with snarling ferocity to curry favor with this lady. Oh, and 70% of these guys have pot bellies, but they still manage to date attractive women. And, yes, Darla always managed to take over the He-Man club too. To get men to eat healthier you must apply the "Darla Principal." The current vegan PR campaign is atrocious, that is why I am going to do it more effectively.

So, what is the motivation to eat mostly a plant-based diet? What "Skinny Bastard" does is play to the hot buttons and insecurities of men. And what I plan to do with my book about My Vegan Quest is to serve as a 5th Column, if you will, within the ranks of cavemen to show them a better way, to live longer, to feel better, and to get that phone number of that beautiful waitress before your buddy does!

If this sounds like I am objectifying women, it is only to appeal to the most debased elements of my species in order to get them to eat a more plant based diet. And besides, I already found the woman of my dreams and the only reason it has taken me 20 years is that I was hunkered down in a cave for the past two decades thinking that I conquered the world merely because I learned how to make fire.