Friday, December 11, 2009

Gym Etiquette

OK, I'm in the groove eating wise, so no need to repeat listing my diet from the last couple of days; suffice to say I had my share of bananas, oatmeal, and that delicious vegan wrap from the Coffee Shop. The only problem with the wrap is the large slices of red onion. It's tasty, but then I scour the office for lifesavers, and no one ever gives you just one - it is usually a handful, and, well, I still have a sweet tooth at times. You get the picture.

Going to the gym for me is a solo event done with little fanfare, or social interaction, it is like going to Mass. You get in, and after an hour or so, you get out. I don't socialize, I don't hug people, and I don't talk to anyone I don't know. And when it comes to the locker room, I adhere to even stricter rules!

Besides rules, here are some real pet peeves of mine found in the men's locker room:

* Towels - why must they be the size of dishtowels? Before any weight loss goals, I will judge another mile stone when I wrap my towel around my waist hand's free!

* Hair Dryers - They are called hair dryers for a reason. Please use them to dry the hair on your head only! It is repulsive when guys pretend they are an automobile at the car wash and use the hair dryer over every inch of their body.

* Cell Phones - enuff said!

* Showers - they are for showering only, not your own personal, guttural, nasal cavity clearing, and expectorating Olympics!

* The Steam Room - Now, the steam room is quiet time. You sit, WRAPPED IN A TOWEL, quietly. That's it. Do not come in with one of those high-end water-proof iPods encased in a large band around your bicep, bobbing your head. Neither myself, nor the other guys want to hear your music. And please don't make exaggerated sounds of breathing heavy or stretching & growling, we hear you! Don't hum, and don't sigh in a pronounced way. When you must blow air forcefully through your pursed lips, do it in the gym, heck, even in the locker room, but not in our little echoing steam room! Also, you are in a steam room, you sweat, don't friggin play with your arms and face rubbing the sweat around making that loud slapping noise like you are handling a wet fish! Just be quiet! Just sit there! Don't look at anyone, don't talk to anyone, and for crying out loud wear the damn towel! And another thing, what is with guys who feel the need to stretch every appendage, completely nude, in the steam room? There is ample room on the 2nd and 3rd floors at Equinox to stretch. Your return to ancient Greece, and their habits is not really the visual I need during my quiet meditation in the steam room. Call me a prudish conservative American, that's fine! Then again, as I continue on this vegan journey, who knows, maybe I will change my tune about nudity, and towels! After all, my trekking in for a steam with 47 of them is not exactly helping the environment! But what I will never compromise on is this personal grooming in the steam room. OK, the guy that walks in with his face full of shaving cream? Fine, as long as he shaves in the sink. But, the putrid animal who sits on his fat ass and whips out a kit to scrape the dead skin off of his disgusting feet is too much!

Class dismissed.

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